god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
