when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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