I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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