she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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