I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
