Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
