I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
