Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
