I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
