i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
