Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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