I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
