Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
