How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
