I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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