I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
