that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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