After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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