"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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