Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
