A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
