just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
