For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
