:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm like, not good at living.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
