So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
