hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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