i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
