Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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