i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
