listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
