Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
