My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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