You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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