so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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