my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
