So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
