I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
