she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
