I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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