babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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