Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
