I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
