No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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