Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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