Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she told me i tasted like america
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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