are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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