Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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