I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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