ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
