Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
