So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
