I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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