Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
