you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
