So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
