is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
