What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
