Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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